Am I A Professional Coward?

I have long wondered if i havent learned a behaviour where it is easier to have a dream than to actually do something and get that dream shot to hell.

It is possable that i picked that up in Ireland as i realized how little personal skills, qualities or knowledges actually matter.

So here i am, dreaming away, even practicing but avoiding doing the real thing.

I have a coach i want to train with.

I know exactly what i want but also that it is highly competetive.

To sum it up, if i cant even work in a bar, how can i dream of something really great….something that really matters to me?

So much easier to simply think “One day”.

The coach i want will cost money (but is well renowned).

Another problem is, there are fewer auditions here.

Regardless, if i move back to Gothenburg i have promised myself to do something besides “thinking”.

I will possably add dancing and singing to it too.

There are certain techniques i prefer and this coach is actually teaching them/working with them.

So why the damn hesitation?

There is also social life.

It was great when i was living in Gothenburg but has been more or less non existant since i moved here.

Will i get a new one or be desillusioned?

CAN i even interact with people anymore?

Have my own standards changed?

I am finally in a situation where i could actually do the things i want, and here i sit.

I want into a venture where the word “No” is much in use and even more so here.

It is also a miliue where subjective judgement is far more common, simply because there is little alternative.

What i´m affraid of is hardly no at an audition.

As far as i see it no at an audition is part of the job.

I guess it is more the fear of simply not getting anywhere for no appearant reason. Something i have a familliarity with in situations where far more objectivity could have helped.

Thinking “Maybe i´m not good enough” is bad, thinking “Maybe i wont be taken seriously regardless of performance” is worse.

Contact: Science, Religion, Mystery, Myth And The Human Experience

After seeing “Contact” for the (at least) fourth time, i have once again to admit what deapht it has.

It possesses Mystery in the true sense of the word.

The movie is after Carl Sagans story and stars Jodie Foster as Dr Arroway.

Cooks, scientists and religous people

One interesting thing is how it is fully clear that you can  exchange the experiences of the characters with eachother.

Arroway is supposedly the one representing science at first (or on surface rather) as oppose to Father Joss (Matthew McConnaughey) representing faith but by the end of the movie, though officially  being a scientist and empiricist  she rather represents the Mystic (the one with direct experience) as oppose to Father Joss being the one with learning within a particular Theology.

The rather militairistic charachter by James Woods might seem like the champion of rationalism and empiricism but takes on a role just as much in tune with the inquisition.

Arroway even ends up in a trial, expected to prove her experience or at least explain it.

This seems to be the fate of those who believe in non official truths as well as those disbeliving in sanctioned ones through history.

In short, at first Arroway must defend herself against faith, “Do you consider yourself a spiritual person”, “We dont even know if they [the extraterrestials] belive in God” only to at the end have to defend herself against empiricism.

Symbolism and connections

I have sometimes, as an ancestor venerating Heathen, wondered about me asking the psychopomps of my ways to bring those that has gone before me to me what these people would say, considering that they must have been of different or no religions.

Will they wonder or cry out in outrage at Odin or Freya showing them the way to the shrine or do they percieve something else (like Archangel Gabriel or a relative) guiding them?

Before you say anything, i´m fully aware that the question is only relevant within a metaphysical and cosmological field connected to my myths and rituals. Whether there are any psychopomps or ancesteors at all doing anything is another question.

It still leads to religous, cultural and personal symbolism.

When Arroway finally end up in Lira (?) she does so in a place looking like Pensacola, met by her late and much missed father.

One might ask how much of our experience, not only religous, mystical or emotional but even “empirical” that is actually a form of myth, saturated with symbolism.

Near death experiences often have dead relatives greeting and leading the person.

Religous symbolism is usually at least somewhat connected to culture.

Our culture detirmines a lot of how we percieve our “everyday and ordinary” world and interactions in it.

If a more intense experience takes on a “look” of familiarity to make itself accessable (whether a deliberate act of its own or an effect of us being us) i am not at all surprised.

The circle

That all of the experience seems to take place in the vessel of Arroways transportation makes it very much a symbol of the cirle that a ceremonial magician can relate to.

The whole thing is a bit “holodeck”, with the landscape being much bigger than the locale in wich it is experienced.

I guess in a way it is just as symbolic of the temple, sweat lodge, synagogue, mosque or any other place wich in itself is very finite but has an infinate experience within it.

Fittingly the vessel is spherical (magical circle) with circles around it making it look like an atom (a symbol of the Atheists) thus in a sense placing Arroway in the center of both myth and science.

Relative or absolute…and does it matter?

The question is not wether Arroway had a mystical experience (she cant prove or share it with anyone) or a physical one (the vessel and whole operation being based on science) or even wether reality is a relative or absolute experience.

The story is about the awe of existence and how we relate to it differently depending on place in life…but at the same time depending on time, personal experience (in a sense mystery and initiation) and view point how the people are exchangeable and thus relative.

That is, some reactions might be more human than connected to what we react to (in a sense the creationists are the heretics of today).

Not only is myth often based on history, history is often based on myth as well.

That is, all being questioned and a true skeptic questioning even empiricism and skepticism itself, life becomes less absolute.

If we knew truth, why would we have to search for it?

Can we search for truth if we do not know what it is?

The humbling answer must be that relative or absolute, absolute knowledge will always be relative.

“Platsar” Bingo?

Bingo Rimér har alltid framstått som intelligent och vältalig i mina ögon men nu hos Malou så vräker han ur sig att om man (som modell) inte “platsar” hos dom “etablerade” agenturerna så skall man plugga till ingenjör istället???

Ytterligare lite av detta Amerikanska , elitistiska dravel som färre och färre går på.

I Bingos värld antar jag att Arnold Swartzenegger är en av världens största skådespelare?

Arnold har varit en av de högst betalda i Hollywood och får väl ses som tämligen etablerad (han är själv en sådan som skulle kunna hjälpa eller själpa en karriär med ett “expertutlåtande”).

Samtidigt så var givetvis Vincent Van Gogh en världelös målare.

Han tjänade knappt en Gulden och jobbade bla som präst. Men som konstnär blev han aldrig etablerad (om Bingo råkar äga en Van Gogh så tar jag gärna skiten så den slipper ta upp plats i hans källarskrubb).



Icke "etablerad"



Vi lever i en värld där kändiskulten gör att de företag som är just “etablerade” kan avkräva folk allt möjligt och där normala regler för ett “jobb” inte längre gäller (och i visa fall är det i sanningens namn motiverat. Alla “jobb” är inte vanliga).

Att bli bedömd och få “Nej” ingår i jobbet för alla som sysslar med något konstnärligt vare sig det gäller auditions eller “go see´s” och det är nog alla med på.

Dock ger det samtidigt utrymme för “sågarna” att sänka folk eller stänga dörrar baserat på annat än kvaliteter i själva verksamheten.

Idag skulle tex Marilyn Monroe inte ha “platsat” på de flesta agenturer. Twiggy skulle möjligtvis det eftersom modellbranschen numer ägnar sig åt necrofili.

Det är kanske inte alltid så dramatiskt som att man vägrade ligga med regissören och därför inte fick en utlovad roll men det kan mycket väl vara så att andra “hållhakar” utöver vad verksmheten egentligen kräver finns på plats, allt för en möjlighet till “kändisskap” (let´s face it, idag finns det nog fler som vill bli “kända” än vad än vad det finns som vill bli bra) eller en möjlighet till utövande.

Kort sagt: Etablerad = bra.

Något som tyvärr verkligheten inte tycks hålla med om.

Vi lever också i en värld där “indie” verksamhet blir mer och mer utbredd.

Kort sagt, folk är bra på saker oavsett om dom “får” eller ej.

En gång i tiden ändrades Hollywoods studiesystem genom att skådespelare helt enkelt tröttnade.

Om de som är “etablerade” ihärdar i att tro att dom har något slags sista utslag vad som är “bra, säljbart” eller “gångbart” så kommer dom snart att inse att publik, designers, regisörer, omständigheter och tidsanda också vill ha ett ord med och kan ändra åsikt när som helst.

De “etablerade” brukar oftast svara med att försöka köpa upp. Alternativt så blir de “oetablerade” plötsligt “etablerade” och lika goda kålsupare (Punk och Hip Hop är väl goda exempel. Snart kommer det väl att krävas 50 uiversitetspoäng i “Hiphopologi” för att tas på allvar som rappare?).

Jag tycker att “Fair Faces” gör rätt.

Jag tror på “indie” och att göra själv.

Att visa att de etablerade inte nödvändigtvis “platsar” i ens vision och att ha lite integritet är säkert irrierande.

Att ha lite FAKTISK intresse i sin konstart i en värld där man ombeds att prostituera sig för en budget och en plats bland de “etablerade” är säkert störande med (och drev ut så fullkomligt oviktiga filmskapare som Wells och Chaplin ur USA).

Jag tror naturligtvis på att lyssna på de som är erfarna, ha lite ödmjukhet och inse när någon har hållit på längre.

Jag tror också att många är etablerade just för att dom är bra.

Dock tror jag även att många blev etablerade delvist för att dom sållade utlåtanden från “sågare”.

Rolling Stones blev inte de dom är genom att vara med i “Idol” och ta råd från Bard, en expert som själv började genom att mima över en leksassynth.

Kenneth Brannagh tog (och tar säkert) råd från Royal Shakespeare Company,RADA och liknande på långt större konstnärligt allvar än råd från någon producent som pungar ut pengar och kan öppna dörrar.

På något sätt är det nog bara att inse att de med konstnärliga yrken eller verksamheter går en balansgång mellan industri och konst och att resten är en fråga om prioritet.

SOPA, Cultural And Economical Suicide

I recently posted a picture of actor Steve Valentine in a kilt (not here, but on the web) where i remarked how i think he is an interesting and great actor.

One would THINK that that would be a compliment.

Instead, either he and/or his agent, the Scottish fashion people who´s show he was modelling in or the TV show he is in might be pissed that i “stole” a picture (despite that my commenting might make it pass as “fair use” ).

I linked and the only way to see the whole thing would be to click and go to the original page of the picture.

This was just a thumbnail.

So have i “stolen” from someone, or am i part of what keeps this industry afloat in the first place?

I would argue that this is just the casette tape argument regurgitated and enlarged.

They call it piracy, i call it free advertisement.

I call it commentary.

I call it cultural reaction.

In a sense a non proffessional part of the industry itself.

How many albums by artists you never heard of before have you bought because you heard them on a mixed tape somebody gave you?

How much of this “piracy” do you think actually serves to keep people, artists, products and concepts in the public mind?

What brings in more revenues, one picture stolen which makes people check out something they might not have heard of otherwise, or at least wearent interested in, or the corporations being the only ones talking about their products ,paying other corporations to spread the word?

Did casette tapes or video tapes hurt the record or movie industry?


The entertainment industry just dont understand what makes a fan.

They are just that, an industry.

They think people go to conventions wearing plastic pointy ears becase they watch Star Trek.

I would argue that they watch Star Trek because they wear pointy ears.

When something becomes, to a certain point, iconic it becomes part of culture, and that is what we are talking about isnt it, culture?

Popular culture. The question isnt whether the artist should get payed or not, it is whether they should remain artists, and thus add to culture, or become salesmen?

If they want fans they will have to let people be engaged, otherwise ,what they want is customers and they sell a product and it might as well be plastic buckets or toothpaste.

The best way to keep customers is to get people engaged, involved.


In the TV show “The Big Bang Theory” the character Sheldon is often wearing a Green Lantern T-shirt (which is probably product placement but thats beside the point for this argument).

To him Green Lantern is very obviously more than a product. It is a part of his world, the myths surrounding him and the culture of which he is a part.

In short, he is a fan.

It is part of his identity.

To simply passively buy “stuff” peddled to him would not get him interested.

In short, deny him fandom and lose a customer.

Springrolls dont need fans, neither do tires, but Stephen King, George Lucas or Bruce Springsteen are part of our times zeitgeist, not just products we bought.

Art, culture, part of our times.

If somebody copied this article and posted it somewhere else, possably commenting, agreeing, disagreeing with it, i would hope they would credit and maybe link, but i would also be glad that they thought it was relevant enough to even react to.

In all fairness, Stephen King, George Lucas and Bruce Springsteen make their living from what they do. I , in this case, dont.

Personally i think SOPA will bring down revenues for the entertainment industry.

It is simply bad business.

A failure to understand the target group.

And i havent even TOUCHED free speach or democracy.

But dont take my word for it, just wait and see.


Ps: I havent illustrated with any pictures and i will refrain from ending it with “May the force be with you” or

“Live long and prosper”. I dont want to end up in Guantanamo after all.