Am I A Professional Coward?

I have long wondered if i havent learned a behaviour where it is easier to have a dream than to actually do something and get that dream shot to hell.

It is possable that i picked that up in Ireland as i realized how little personal skills, qualities or knowledges actually matter.

So here i am, dreaming away, even practicing but avoiding doing the real thing.

I have a coach i want to train with.

I know exactly what i want but also that it is highly competetive.

To sum it up, if i cant even work in a bar, how can i dream of something really great….something that really matters to me?

So much easier to simply think “One day”.

The coach i want will cost money (but is well renowned).

Another problem is, there are fewer auditions here.

Regardless, if i move back to Gothenburg i have promised myself to do something besides “thinking”.

I will possably add dancing and singing to it too.

There are certain techniques i prefer and this coach is actually teaching them/working with them.

So why the damn hesitation?

There is also social life.

It was great when i was living in Gothenburg but has been more or less non existant since i moved here.

Will i get a new one or be desillusioned?

CAN i even interact with people anymore?

Have my own standards changed?

I am finally in a situation where i could actually do the things i want, and here i sit.

I want into a venture where the word “No” is much in use and even more so here.

It is also a miliue where subjective judgement is far more common, simply because there is little alternative.

What i´m affraid of is hardly no at an audition.

As far as i see it no at an audition is part of the job.

I guess it is more the fear of simply not getting anywhere for no appearant reason. Something i have a familliarity with in situations where far more objectivity could have helped.

Thinking “Maybe i´m not good enough” is bad, thinking “Maybe i wont be taken seriously regardless of performance” is worse.

The Celeb Cult

There are those who love to dance.

They cant stop thinking of dancing.

There are those who want to sing.

They cant stop thinking of singing.

There are those who love to act.

They cant stop thinking of acting.

There are those who want to paint.

They cant stop thinking of painting.

And there are those who want to be famous.

They cant stop thinking about people thinking about them.

I´m a bit bored…

… so i´ll waste some time whoring myself out!

Personal Tumblr:

The Beautiful Times (Nostalgia, Music, Vintage, Fashion, 1700´s – 1980´s):

Forn Sed (Viking Age, Norse Mythology, Norse Culture, History, Archeology, Anthropology)

Esoterica (Magic, Occult, Kabbalah, Alchemy, Rituals, Witchcraft, Satanism, Astrology):

The Roaring Twenties (Jazz Age, Flappers, Charleston, Gangsters, Prohibition, Silent Movies):

The Roaring Twenties (Facebook Page):

Vintage Clothing (Facebook Page):

Samba på Herräng med Tobias Wallin och Helena Fransson

Gissa vem som har tagit några Sambasteg med Helena? 😉 Tobias Wallin och Helena Fransson höll i en Sambakurs på Herräng som en del i deras Vina Maipo Dance Tour. Jag var givetvis TVUNGEN att ta några whisksteg med henne bara för att kunna säga att jag hade gjort det. Dom är förövrigt jättetrevliga och lättpratade (och tom snyggare än på bild).

Herräng, “innocence” lost???

This is probably the best blog I’ve read on Herräng and Lindy Hop (it is in Swedish though)!
It reflects on the very things I have buzzing in my head right now.

I felt like a beginner on Herräng despite years of dancing.
I wonder if Lindy culture may look so different in different places that you almost do not recognize it when, you´re  on Exchange (witch was probably the point of having exchanges at the beginning)?

My teacher has probably focused on the “wrong” things in some cases and teaches more than Lindy ( like International Ballroom Dancing) and I can sometimes feel that his style feels a bit like “bugg (a Swedish swing dance) with eight counts”.

When I get blocked creatively (as a lead), it’s not swing outs, but place changes (in different versions) I will repeat until something new pops up in my head.

I try to “be honest” by comparing my dance with those that have danced for a few months. In fact, I have been dancing Lindy for three years (every week) and where I live I do both brake-aways with Jazz steps, Aerials and more.

If you do a brake-away followed by a  boogie back and Shortie George on Herräng you get either a happy laugh (“How wild and crazy he is”) or a look like “what the f *ck is he doing?”

I have never had low self-esteem when it comes to girls and I have never  hesitated to dance in public, but in Herräng I got  the feeling that i didnt dance “real” Lindy (something the original dancers would had wondered over (Flappers, Swing Kids,Manning, Mintz and Miller where the  hip hopers, street dancers,punks and goths of those days, not their times ballroom dancers).

It feels good though that others  reflects on Herräng besides myself.
I feel more sad than excited if truth be told.