Gnostic Catholic Mass In Gothenburg


The altar at Sekhet-Maat Lodge in Portland, Oregon, with Graal and Paten.

 

This sunday i will attend mass at the Homo Est Deus Lodge and local Ecclesia Gnostica Catholica congregation in Gothenburg.

It will be quite a thing that i have been looking forward to.

Despite having been a Thelemite since decades i havent recieved the Eucharist since 96.

I will look into baptism and Confirmation too.

 

An unofficial Ecclesia Gnostica Catholica seal
Design by R. Labhart

The Weirdest Emptiness


It is funny!

I´ve got time.

I´ve got money!

Yet my life seems to include less and less.

This place gets more and more tomb like.

The last couple of years have been years of loss, escalating this year, ending me in an empty apartment that seems almost outside reality.

Loss of friends, loss of love, loss of confidence, loss of drive, loss of even the lust to do anything.

Everything outside these walls are worlds away and everybody elses lives jusr roll on.

I am in solitary confinement, an oubliette, left, forgotten.

Manic Street Preachers – Motorcycle Emptiness

BBC Maida Vale Studios, 4th April 2007

The Coward Whineth


I wonder if one thing that keeps me procrastinating or passive is the mere fact that anything worth doing has so much obstacles in it and so much inertia that it gets overwhealming.

The Ramones – I Wanna Be Sedated MP3 Clear.

Ramones – I wann Be Sedated!
Lyrics:
Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go I wanna be sedated
Nothin’ to do and no where to go-o-oh I wanna be sedated
Just get me to the airport put me on a plane
Hurry hurry hurry before I go insane
I can’t control my fingers I can’t control my brain
Oh no no no no no
Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go….
Just put me in a wheelchair, get me on a plane
Hurry hurry hurry before I go insane
I can’t control my fingers I can’t control my brain
Oh no no no no no
Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go I wanna be sedated
Nothin’ to do and no where to go-o-o I wanna be sedated
Just put me in a wheelchair get me to the show
Hurry hurry hurry before I go loco
I can’t control my fingers I can’t control my toes
Oh no no no no no
Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go…
Just put me in a wheelchair…
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated

It is like everything is designed to keep you in your place.

With the right family name you could go far in any field regardless of talent, knowledge , skill or discipline but with the “wrong” background it is like everything, yourself included ,conspire to keep you where you are.

Dreams seem far away usually having some prerequisite that often dont feel nessecary

Someone said: “Be so good you cant be ignored”.

I´m not sure it works that way.

First of all if they ignore you nobody will know whether you are good or not.

Second, if they do the chosing, you are only as good as they say you are.

In a sense we still have nobility.

Indie

I´m a big beliver in “Do it yourself” and think both within film, music, dance and many other artforms we will see a lot go places without any big corporations or names in their back.

However, even doing something on your own with little or no budget still takes a whole group of a certain type ,talent and personality.

The Whiner

Notice that i´m not saying there should be no demands, nor that people that have done something for years doesent know what they´re doing.

I´m not feeling down because of a “No” at an audition. Most auditions ends with a “No”.

I´m feeling down because i wont even drag my ass to an audition.

Call it cowardice, call it self fulfilling prophesy, i just havent experinced much traction in my life.

The rule seems to “Stay where you are”.

“When we need a guy from the wrong side of the tracks we will make one”.

Ultimately

….i am fully aware that a big, maybe the biggest problem lies within my own morals.

At least just dreaming of going places and doing things is “better” than getting proof that you wont.

I hate being at the outside looking in and maybe being marooned here in smalltown, cowturd county has made me feel like that more than ever?

A problem with living here is that there isnt even anyone to get a “No” from.

So tired i could puke! Welcome to trivial land!


Today i just had this feeling of nausea or inertia over the internet with its social medias wich arent really social (duh) and its constant regurgitating state.

On the one hand we have the places like Facebook and i cant stand another second of people posting the trivial minutia of their lives today.

Places like Tumblr wich are really just people spitting out pretty pictures.

Both places…most if not all places on the web mainly made for people with a micro celebrity complex and no interest whatsoever in anyone else (yup, nobody reads your posts…..just like you couldnt care crap about theirs) and an attention span of three seconds.

The entitled generation spewing all over eachother.

I just had a sandwich, and now i´m gonna tell you eeeeeeeeeeverything about it.
XOXO *LOL* -Conan The Colossal-

 

Should you actually enter a discussion on anything that could possably be of any interest to anyone older than ten or air an opinion it is all mini trolling, oneupmanship and people with little or no actual existence trying to get the “satisfaction” of “winning” the discussion.

I just dont have the energy to post the same arguments over and over to people who think they are intellectuals who has “gotten it”.

Neither do i have the energy to do so for all the fanatics and fundamentalists out there.

I regard myself as a tolerant guy who can in every way stand people disagreeing with me but in the long run, Atheists trying to “save” people with a rigor i have only seen in the Jehovas Witnesses before, racists who hide behind some make belif “heritage”. Having them constantly rain down their gospels over me is just tiering.

“Hah! I am much more Hermeticerer than you!”
“No, i am the Hermeticerest of ém all. I have a personal letter written by the Archangel Ratziel proving it. He texted it to me last friday.!”
“AGREE WITH ME!!!”
“NO, AGREE WITH MEEEEE! I AM A REBEL!” I´VE GOT BRAND NEW ANCIENT STUFF!”

Once upon a time i too belived that the web was a place full of information and the free word.

A place where people could discuss the way grown ups do, with nothing to prove, everything to find and without some obligation to reach a consensus (usually the opinion of the loudest and least educated person).

In reality the internet is to a large part a toy.Nothing more.

Most information is there, but drowned under tons of crap, not that it matters, very few people have any interest anyway.

They are either shallow or pseudo intellectuals passing their pet theories as knowledge.

…..and again, the ones that arent usually have to be DUG up from underneath all the nothingness.

Tired!

Here am i, floating in a tin can… (Thelemic Banishing Meditation)


The Ritual:

There has been all kinds of speculations by the usual “experts” on the attributions of the Star Ruby pentagrams.

However, suffice to say that for this work i attributed them to the Parzufim thus:

Therion-Nukvah (Malchut)

Nuit- Zeir Anpin (Chesed,Geburah,Tiphareth,Netzach,Hod,Yesod)

Babalon-Imma (Binah)

Hadit-Abba (Chokmah)

Laying on my back ,relaxed,on my bed i performed the silencing gesture (Apo Pantos Kako Daimones) in the Godform of Hoor Paar Kraat (physical movement but astral/mental “sound), allready banishing any intruding ideas, thoughts, emotions,forms or what have you.

Letting the very ideas of the Partzufim “bleed” out of my forhead as i formed the pentagrams, very literally, “aright on my forehead”, only to let them hurl themselves into place as i mentally vibrated the names.

Therion at my feet.

Nuit at my left.

Babalon at my head.

Hadit at my right.

In every case astrally letting the Godform of Hoor Paar Kraat (me) make his sign and complete the circle.

Salvador Dali

Formulae:

I let every idea, thought,emotion,form, the whole universe, time and space, dissolve while (astrally) vibrating the mantra “Aumgn” thus drawing the whole to a point, creation, berashait, a Hoor Paar Kraat state.

Having done this as far as i dared/could i (mentally) intoned:

Lashtal

Thelema

Agape

Abrahadabra

Fiaof

Letting myself only consist of those formulas.

Performing the qabbalistic cross, adding those sephiroth.

Now, all there was in the universe was a being consisting of above formulae and sephirotic forces (all else would add itself automatically as the sephirotic way of completing the microverse and getting back to Tikkun).

Ending with “Io Pan” to create an influx and allow the Kav to revigorate.

Repeating sign of silence as i begun.

Salvador Dali:Crucifixion

Analysis:

This should probably not be done regularily.

This “floating” feeling can make one quite disoriented.

Even thinking about walking around with the hexagrams in front and back of you and the rest of it doesent help (or perhaps thats exactly what it is doing).

As a matter of fact i´m experiencing a rather “faint” feeling.

*It should be said that i just came out of food poisoning* [A stupid time to perform advanced mystical work , i know, bite me]

On the other hand, resisting change would nullify the whole work.

Dali: Crucifixion Scetch

The way the guardians are placed in a sence places Kether at the feet, while the cross places it at the head (thus corresponding quite nicely with the gemmatria of the words of the cross).

Banishing “everything” (oneself included) to the point of a form of Dhyana (only leaving enough “self” to realize one has left some “self”. Stopping short of hurling oneself into the abyss for which i´m not ready) only to reconstitutionalize oneself consisting only of the cross and the formulas (obviously, the sephiroth of the cross and the formulas will beget the missing ones, or rather,already have, since i have physical form. The invoked ones will however dominate) is also a bit disconcerting (no pun intended).

It should be said, though obvious, that one should not think of oneself as if lying on something, but as floating in emptyness during the ritual.

During the invokation of the guardians and the rest of the text in Greek i let my astral body slide up in the usual Tau angle and position in the circle only to return to “lying” directly after (by now there would be no “up” or “down” anyway. All is relative only to the circle.

Ritually, this is very simple. On the surface it is just a form of laying down Star Ruby meditation.

Mentally, it is difficult, and rewarding.