I have long wondered if i havent learned a behaviour where it is easier to have a dream than to actually do something and get that dream shot to hell.
It is possable that i picked that up in Ireland as i realized how little personal skills, qualities or knowledges actually matter.
So here i am, dreaming away, even practicing but avoiding doing the real thing.
I have a coach i want to train with.
I know exactly what i want but also that it is highly competetive.
To sum it up, if i cant even work in a bar, how can i dream of something really great….something that really matters to me?
So much easier to simply think “One day”.
The coach i want will cost money (but is well renowned).
Another problem is, there are fewer auditions here.
Regardless, if i move back to Gothenburg i have promised myself to do something besides “thinking”.
I will possably add dancing and singing to it too.
There are certain techniques i prefer and this coach is actually teaching them/working with them.
So why the damn hesitation?
There is also social life.
It was great when i was living in Gothenburg but has been more or less non existant since i moved here.
Will i get a new one or be desillusioned?
CAN i even interact with people anymore?
Have my own standards changed?
I am finally in a situation where i could actually do the things i want, and here i sit.
I want into a venture where the word “No” is much in use and even more so here.
It is also a miliue where subjective judgement is far more common, simply because there is little alternative.
What i´m affraid of is hardly no at an audition.
As far as i see it no at an audition is part of the job.
I guess it is more the fear of simply not getting anywhere for no appearant reason. Something i have a familliarity with in situations where far more objectivity could have helped.
Thinking “Maybe i´m not good enough” is bad, thinking “Maybe i wont be taken seriously regardless of performance” is worse.