By CJ:


If it wouldn’t be impossible

i would count

Exactly how many

Raindrops fell


As these tears betrayed

The lies beneath the words I said

When I bowed my head

And as steady as this heart permits

As these lungs can be

I granted your wish

“freedom is yours

I couldn’t care less”

It didn’t hurt that you left

It hurt that you STILL left

Without so much as hesitation

When these betraying tears

laid my soul bear

I’m forever skinned numb

Forever freshly butchered

With the simplest act of indifference


I know every thing about the future.

It was yesterday.

Whoever is walking around in my skin isnt me.

I was thinking of not writing here when i was in a dark mood but, hey, my blog = my crap.

I dont expect anyone to read anything they dont find remotely interesting.

So, for the third time i take the medieval carriage they call train here, into Jönköping.

Yet again to no avail.

Yet again someone, far more successful than me for some reason that must be among the greater cosmic mysteries, behaves like a retard and the whole poop land at my lap.

Perhaps i should form my own little gang of people with dwarfed lives:






Simply .

And me, Left behindy.

Dreams and hopes are not only far away for me, they arent at all. I am in some phantom zone dream state outside of time and space, and life goes on without me….somewhere else.

I´m no longer sure it would make a difference if i moved.

I´m no longer me anyway.

Just someone pretending to be be me but not quite making it.