5000???


I wonder what happened at Nov 13:th???

I had over 5000 visitors to the blog that day (paranoia setting in).

Also, Swedish people have begun reading this blog.

I have had a way of seeing this blog as a way to be “open” and “private” at the same time as no Swedes (with a few exeptions) looked at it anyway.

I guess i have no right to feel ambivalent about that, nobody forced me to publish anything after all.

Sorry for not being “around” for a while.

My laptop had a total meltdown and a havent gotten around to buying a new computer (got my eyes on one though).

As it is now i´m writing from the library.

 

Library???


I remember when the Library was a place for reading books , and if you chose not to, you still had to shut the fuck up.
The worst offenders are the librarians .
Since my computer is broken i sit here in Skillingaryd library trying to read about archeology ,Socrates ,Ancient Levantine Iconography  but i might as well be reading at a pub.
No wonder people are such idjits!

Gnostic Catholic Mass In Gothenburg


The altar at Sekhet-Maat Lodge in Portland, Oregon, with Graal and Paten.

 

This sunday i will attend mass at the Homo Est Deus Lodge and local Ecclesia Gnostica Catholica congregation in Gothenburg.

It will be quite a thing that i have been looking forward to.

Despite having been a Thelemite since decades i havent recieved the Eucharist since 96.

I will look into baptism and Confirmation too.

 

An unofficial Ecclesia Gnostica Catholica seal
Design by R. Labhart

Ale Stenar (Stones Of Ale), Sweden


Ale Senar (Stones Of Ale), Sweden, Scania
There are quite a few other archeological sites in the area.
Standing in the middle of them is a mighty feeling and they are sometimes referred to as the “Stone Henge” of Sweden (as far as i know this is the biggest stone ship, i have a smaller one and some mounds next door though 😉 ).
Ps: Ale is pronounced “Ah-leh”.

 

Ale Stenar (The Stones Of Ale),Sweden (Scania)
Ale’s Stones (or Ales stenar in Swedish) is a megalithic monument in Scania in southern Sweden. It consists of a stone ship 67 meters long formed by 59 large boulders of sandstone, weighing up to 1.8tonnes each. According to Scanian folklore, a legendary king called King Ale lies buried there.
The carbon-14 dating system for organic remains has provided seven results at the site. One indicates that the material is around 5,500 years old whereas the remaining six indicate a date about 1,400 years ago. The latter is considered to be the most likely time for Ales Stenar to have been created. That would place its creation towards the end of the Nordic Iron Age.

Am I A Professional Coward?


I have long wondered if i havent learned a behaviour where it is easier to have a dream than to actually do something and get that dream shot to hell.

It is possable that i picked that up in Ireland as i realized how little personal skills, qualities or knowledges actually matter.

So here i am, dreaming away, even practicing but avoiding doing the real thing.

I have a coach i want to train with.

I know exactly what i want but also that it is highly competetive.

To sum it up, if i cant even work in a bar, how can i dream of something really great….something that really matters to me?

So much easier to simply think “One day”.

The coach i want will cost money (but is well renowned).

Another problem is, there are fewer auditions here.

Regardless, if i move back to Gothenburg i have promised myself to do something besides “thinking”.

I will possably add dancing and singing to it too.

There are certain techniques i prefer and this coach is actually teaching them/working with them.

So why the damn hesitation?

There is also social life.

It was great when i was living in Gothenburg but has been more or less non existant since i moved here.

Will i get a new one or be desillusioned?

CAN i even interact with people anymore?

Have my own standards changed?

I am finally in a situation where i could actually do the things i want, and here i sit.

I want into a venture where the word “No” is much in use and even more so here.

It is also a miliue where subjective judgement is far more common, simply because there is little alternative.

What i´m affraid of is hardly no at an audition.

As far as i see it no at an audition is part of the job.

I guess it is more the fear of simply not getting anywhere for no appearant reason. Something i have a familliarity with in situations where far more objectivity could have helped.

Thinking “Maybe i´m not good enough” is bad, thinking “Maybe i wont be taken seriously regardless of performance” is worse.